it's the end of the world as we know it
and i don't feel fine
To say that it’s been a “weird” week would be an understatement. In a matter of days, the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded around us, causing us to question everything: our mortality, our job security, our society, our friends and lovers and their morals and actions in a time like this, the future… really, just everything. Nothing seems permanent right now. Many of us are panicked, anxious and having an existential crisis. Some are still not taking this seriously, which is just ridiculous now. And others are keeping a cool head and being the voice of reason for their friends and followers: we sincerely thank you for that, cause it is no easy task.
I am feeling so much for so many people right now. To be fair, I kind of always do. When I see a person, stranger or not, I don’t just see a person. I see a story, I see someone who is loved, someone who means the world to someone else, I think of how beautiful that is, I see someone who is driven by certain things and think of how wonderful it is that different things bring different people joy and even meaning, I see someone who deserves love and kindness and understanding. I don’t mean to sound mushy or like I’m a perfect person who always sees the good in everyone. In fact, this might even be a selfish way of thinking. It’s always been my way of thinking because I like stories. I like to tell stories, to others yes, but especially to myself. I firmly believe that everyone has a story and years of creative writing workshops, reading personal essays about every topic under the sun from such a diverse mix of people has made that belief even firmer.
I also always feel for people. Being the stereotypical Libra that I am, I always see everyone’s side of things in any conflict, and I can almost always find a reason for people’s behaviors or actions (not to be confused with excusing people of their behaviors or actions.) Because of this, I feel deeply for people who are going through anything, especially when it seems unfair.
School being canceled for a bunch of kids about to graduate high school who are missing out on the fun part of their senior year is so unfair. I wasn’t exactly Ms. High School and I had no interest in prom or homecoming, but I would never want anyone who did care about these things to have it taken away from them. Classes being moved to online-learning for the rest of the semester for graduating college seniors is so unfair. They are missing such precious moments with their community. Ever since I’ve graduated, I’ve ached for the community I had at my college with my peers and professors. I can’t imagine having it ripped away from me months before I was expecting it to be. I feel bad for the young kids not going to school, because when I was a kid, school was my refuge. It’s always been my favorite place to be. I feel for the teachers who are going to be missing their young students’ faces and hugs.
I feel for everyone whose job has been lost or jeopardized because of this pandemic. So many people I know, myself included, have lost work and are unclear about how this will all play out in the future. Financial stability is not an easy thing to achieve and it affects every aspect of our lives, whether we want to give it that power or not. It’s been jarring to see the tweets from people who are in such different situations. One person will say that they’re excited about how much money they’re going to save by not going out and cooking all their food at home for the next few weeks (they probably have a good and stable job that is paying them to work from home, with no interruptions or adjustments). The next person is worried that their savings won’t cover rent or food for the next month (they probably lost their job). Business owners have been handling the pandemic publicly in different ways. Some are urging people to stay home and to keep kindness on their minds, others are complaining about how this whole thing is being blown out of proportion. I understand the anger. I’m angry too. But it makes me a lot angrier to see that in a time when almost everyone is feeling threatened and people’s lives and health are at great risk, some business owners are only worried about their business and haven’t expressed any genuine concern for the lives of their consumers and their employees. It makes me happy to see people calling them out on their shit.
Most of all, I feel a tiny bit of relief. Most of me is anxious, but there’s something comforting about going through this with everyone else. So much of the time, my anxieties about financial stability and my mortality feel like they are mine alone. I don’t often find I have conversations with people who really get it. So I feel alone. Yet, in this time of self-isolation, I feel less alone than I have in a long time. I’ve admittedly become a loner over the past few years. I’m not very social, mostly thanks to my anxiety about being in crowds, general anxiety and my fear of spending money. So, often I’ll find myself spending days where I don’t leave the house, except to go to the grocery store. Right now, everyone is kind of being forced to live like this. In the midst of all the craziness, this detail is a little funny to me.
I think a lot of us are feeling this strange sense of togetherness right now, which is really a nice side effect of this pandemic. Does it make it all worth it? I wouldn’t go that far. But being vulnerable is a lot easier when you’re not the only one doing it.
I do hope everyone reading this is doing okay. If you aren’t, I get it. Also, I’m here for you. If there’s anything I can do to make your life easier or make anything feel more secure in your life, even if it’s just a conversation that makes you feel less alone or validates your feelings, please reach out! If you’re someone who is doing relatively okay, all things considered, think about reaching out to others who might not be. Check in on any friends or family members who have been negatively affected, even if they say they’re fine. If you can, offer to get groceries for your elderly, disabled, or immunocompromised neighbors so that they don’t have to leave the house. Now and always, community is vital.
On to the recommendations:
What to watch this week:
Movies
Stargirl, Disney Plus+
I’m not going to lie and say this is a great movie. But it’s the only movie I’ve watched since last week, and it’s cute. Stargirl is based on the 2000 YA novel by Jerry Spinelli, which I never read but considered reading many times. Grace Vanderwaal is cute, and has a lovely singing voice, and the music choices are pretty good. The movie is shot in Arizona and there are a lot of beautiful shots of pink skies. It’s safe enough to watch with the family but still entertaining enough to watch for adults, so if you’re quarantined with kids right now, it isn’t a bad choice, especially if you’ve already exhausted all your other Disney Plus+ options.
As a general rule, you should watch any movies that feel comforting right now. Anything that can bring you back to a happy time in your life, where things felt more certain and worries were minimal.
TV
High Maintenance, HBO
If you aren’t already watching the most human show on TV, then what are you doing? As I said before, community is so important right now. High Maintenance shows how connected all of us New Yorkers are and tells the intimate stories of people you pass every day on the street, from the person collecting the cans out of your recycling bin at six a.m. to the dental assistant giving you your cleaning. This season has been pretty great. My favorite so far was Episode 5, but the latest episode was good too, especially the Uber and Lyft stories, although it was uncomfortable to watch people share a car and touch things that other people have touched!
Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO
This is admittedly my first time watching Curb, and I started on Season 10. Larry David and his antics are hilarious. I feel a little guilty for enjoying a show about rich white male problems so much, but hey, I also love Succession. If you need a laugh right now, you need to be watching this new season.
*Also, my friend Ben runs a great Instagram page with film recommendations. He’s been keeping the content coming to prepare people for social distancing. Follow him at @CanIBeReel!
I’m not going to give you any food recommendations right now cause I don’t know what the hell you have at home. I know that the grocery stores have been wiped out. Eat whatever you can, and don’t feel guilty about it! If food can be a source of comfort to you right now during these trying times, then eat to your heart’s pleasure.
Take care of yourself and take care of each other!
All of my love,
Kaitlin