the death of social media

we really had it all, didn't we?

I have been mulling over whether I wanted to start another new newsletter or just resurrect this one, and since this one–my first, conceived in 2020–was already unstructured, the way I’d want a new one to be, I decided to just stick with this one. It has been 4 years which feels like so long ago but also not that long ago at all. I don’t know why I tell myself that I don’t have enough inspiration to write a newsletter every week. The multiple 17-minute long voice memos rambling about cultural and societal critiques and analyses that I exchange with my best friend on a daily basis say otherwise.

Anyway, since the new year started, I have been trying to spend less time on social media, namely Twitter. Twitter is the enemy of my creativity, because it tricks me into believing that any idea I have can be turned into a short, self-deprecating joke and not actually considered, weighed out, elaborated on. Since I’ve started writing morning pages¹, I don’t feel the need to tweet.² I think more about my ideas, I sit with them, I appreciate them. I also realized that the way Substack has been operating as a social media source is much more in line with what I want from social media: lively discussions with smart and funny people, talking about serious topics and silly ones simultaneously. I have the best time hanging out in the Hung Up chats. So rather than tweet my thoughts into the ether on my private Twitter account where engagement is low and I lower my own standards for connection, I’m taking my talents back to Substack.

TikTok has been the social media app of the week’s news, with its short-lived ban and the shadiness surrounding Trump and Zuck’s possible cahoots. With Meta having its hands in everything and Musk stealing Twitter from the people, social media generally just feels like an icky place to be. It’s so weird to be part of the generation that started out on Xanga, moved to Myspace, then Facebook, then Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, watching how social media changed over time. I recently said the sentence “all my Instagram ads are for Broadway shows” and it struck me how weird it was to have so many ads on social media, because I remember a time when there were none! How far we’ve strayed from our humble beginnings.

I’ve been watching a lot of TV this past week–there are a lot of new series out, and it’s been so cold outside here in NYC. It made me think of the past two winters where I had virtually no life, and whenever someone asked me what was new, I would recount what I’d been watching. Still, I think TV allows for connection and inspiration, so it isn’t just mindless consumption. I watched the first batch of Single’s Inferno Season 4 episodes and it surprisingly gave me a ton to think about, beyond the usual dating show psychoanalysis of all the contestants and what I believed they were looking for and comparisons of the Korean culture to American culture. Something new I noticed in this season was that all the contestants asked each other what “type” of person they were, referring to their MBTI personality types³. I noted that mine had changed the few times I’d taken it over the years, sometimes INFP, sometimes INFJ, sometimes INTJ. Am I judgmental? I asked myself. Then, over the week, I found myself judging a lot. Judging other writers who put themselves out there in ways I can only dream of. Judging people on TV shows. Judging people on TikTok, and those who were losing their mind over losing the app.

Despite being an avid reality TV watcher, I feel such a disconnect from people who harbor a desire for fame or influence, or even just attention from a large audience, and have thus always been excited about social media’s potential for gaining it. When Snapchat influencers were on the rise in the mid 2010s, I remember thinking it was so strange that people were just documenting their days and talking to their phone cameras in public, surrounded by other people going about their days, and now it’s pretty much normalized. I myself don’t feel comfortable making videos on TikTok or Instagram, or just talking to my phone camera in general, and maybe I never will. Of all the twists and turns of trying to remain adaptable while working in media that I’ve endured since 2010, the self as a brand and video content marketing and promoting myself is the thing I just can’t seem to get comfortable with. Maybe I will one day. Maybe not. I have always wanted my writing to be read, and a stubborn part of me keeps holding out hope that my words can be enough and I can find an audience without traditional social media use and self promotion.

I am on record saying that I believe TikTok’s contribution to our society is a net negative, making everyone stupider. However, I also recognize that the phenomenon of following along with the mundane daily vlog type videos that are so popular on the app is not just vapid and stupid, but a desire to connect and feel seen. We are naturally curious about each other. This is a good thing. I don’t think constant oversharing and overexposure of our lives and daily thoughts is a good thing. But I understand the desire for connection.

Yesterday, as I was making my morning hot lemon water, something I haven’t done in a long time but am trying to add back into my morning routine, I remembered that a lot of the habits I picked up for my morning routine came from social media influencers years ago. It’s easy for me to make judgments about young people who seem to base all their life decisions off of what TikTok influencers are doing, but I can’t pretend I wasn’t once young and trying to figure my adult life out by following the advice of random people on Instagram. For me, it was pre-video format days, so Instagram fitness influencers with long captions was where my inspiration came from. Hot lemon water or green tea first thing in the morning, a green juice or smoothie, egg white scrambles with hot sauce and ezekiel bread–I took what I saw and let it inform how I ate and shopped, at least at the grocery store. I took some really bad advice from some fitness influencers, too, like making tuna salad with greek yogurt instead of mayonnaise and serving it on rice cakes instead of bread for calorie-cutting reasons. I don’t think I could even finish one. I gag at the memory. I do think the consumerism at the forefront of TikTok is a much bigger, more influential beast that seems to transcend age and education, but that’s a topic for a whole ‘nother essay.

For now, I’m just happy to be writing again. Also, I know this newsletter may be a bit all over the place, but if I tried to make it perfect, I’d never send it.

On that note, I do want to rename this newsletter. But I don’t want to wait until I think of the perfect name to start publishing it again, so it will have to come at a later date. If you have any ideas for me, I’d love to hear ‘em!

Thank you for reading, and I promise to write more soon.

1. Yes, I’m doing The Artist’s Way, no, you don’t need to worry about me.

2. I recognize the humor in this statement, since people are often telling other people on Twitter to get a diary.

3. I am aware of the controversies surrounding the origins of the MBTI personality test and personality tests in general.