Leave JoJo Siwa Alone
and I'm talking to you, Chris Hughes
A month ago, when people were attacking Jojo Siwa for changing her label from lesbian to queer and possibly being shady to her partner by forming a flirty friendship with her Big Brother UK castmate Chris Hughes, I seemed to be the only one who thought he was being a capital C creep and cared more about if she was being manipulated.
A month after that, the pair are all-but-officially together, and people are either still being hateful to Jojo for having a fluctuating identity or not being a good partner to their ex, or they’re actually celebrating this union because they parasocially like them together for a myriad of reasons1. And once again, no one seems to be questioning the motives of this 32-year old man, who got his reality TV start being a total bro on Love Island UK before they started cleaning up their act for broadcast television.
God, you know what? Missed opportunity to not put a section in my “What I Want To See On Love Island This Summer” newsletter yesterday that calls for the UK producers to bring him on Aftersun and have the panel ask probing questions that make him feel like a creep, or invite his Love Island ex, Olivia Attwood, who was once part of the panel, back for her thoughts.
But as I mentioned in my post from last month, I genuinely am concerned about the state of critical thinking when a decade-older male who positions himself as a protective and safe “big brother” (no pun intended) type to a young queer person and then starts dating her is not at all questioned about his motives, while the younger, more impressionable person in the relationship catches tons of heat for not sticking to the script of who her audience wants her to be.
This isn’t just about age gaps, but it also is. From a young age, I realized without having to be taught that it was wrong and outright gross for older guys to be interested in me. At 12, I had a crush on a neighborhood boy–a 16-year old brother of a friend. Another friend, who was a year younger than me, also had a crush on him. And that’s all I wanted it to be, a crush! Because anything more than that would be weird! When we talked about our mutual crush, I thought we were on the same page–it’s fun to pine for this guy that we will obviously never be with! But then her mom actually started facilitating dates between them, which adds another level of creepiness to the mix, and I was just appalled. Even then, I felt it was wrong and worried that she wasn’t being protected by her own mother.
These same instincts came into play when at 16, my lifelong neighbor (a grown man who had seen me in diapers and reminded me of this often) told me that he had an old camera for me if I wanted it and invited me to come pick it up. When I got to his apartment (in the same neighborhood, but no longer next door–he had moved since getting married and then divorced) he took a while to get the camera and kept chatting to me about topics that I knew were inappropriate, like telling me about how his ex-wife (btw I was at his wedding and I was 12 or 13 then!) used to like to sit on his lap and rub his bald head. Cool for you! Really glad she left his ass. I recognized his attempt at coming on to me in the moment, left, and told everyone in my family about what a creep he was. I did not feel confused or like maybe I misinterpreted his actions, I knew exactly what he was doing and so did he.
I don’t say any of that to imply that I’m better than anyone else or smarter. If anything, I recognized that in some ways, I am the exception. Young girls are taught–by old-fashioned people in their families, by the media, by their peers–that receiving attention from older men is either a compliment, something to be proud of, or that they’re overreacting and ruining someone’s life and reputation if they call a man out for being a disgusting pig and creep. I would imagine this kind of brainwashing is even more prevalent for young people who grow up in front of the camera, which is technically all of them these days due to social media and phones, but especially child stars who lived their lives on reality TV, at the mercy of producers and controlling people who exploit them when they’re meant to protect them.
It baffles me that people can’t seem to connect the dots here. And at the very, very least, can people just get on board with calling the guy a clout chaser? Apparently, a comment made by his ex Olivia Attwood on TikTok, hinted at this: when asked for her thoughts on her ex’s new relationship, she simply responded, “She’s very famous.” Jojo herself has called out a number of her own exes for using her for clout. A 32-year old British dude whose biggest claim to fame is a stint on Love Island nearly 10 years ago is certainly going to do what he can to grab onto the spotlight and the brand deals that follow while he has it.
Oh my god, I just learned that he actually used to rap????2 If he tries to make a music comeback with Jojo remember that you heard it here first–not only is he a creep, he’s using her for clout!!!!
In other, more positive news: I am so excited to say that a work of short fiction my friend Erin and I wrote together was accepted for publication in an online lit mag, Icebreakers! It is an eerie story that is (maybe not so much) ironically about dudes being creeps. The story idea came about after we worked on another creepy story that was inspired by an inexplicable, otherworldly occurrence that I experienced as an 11-year old girl. Talking about that and the experience of being a kid going through puberty and the way you change and so does the world around you, often for the worse, got us going on this new story idea and Erin is a very talented writer so it came out pretty great, if I do say so myself. It will be published on June 19th, and I will be sure to share the link then!
Other random thoughts maybe not worth a whole newsletter:
I have convinced multiple friends to watch Overcompensating and they have all been just as thrilled as I was by how hilarious and brilliant it is. Perfect cast! Full of heart! So fucking funny! Watch it!
Hacks has been ripping my heart out and tearing it to shreds every week. I’m so nervous for the finale tonight. I keep waiting for Deborah’s affair to come back and haunt her. AHHHH!!!
I cannot stop listening to Blondshell’s sophomore album. She is absolutely the most exciting artist alive to me right now and I have to give major kudos to her band and her producers who are also so talented.
Lorde’s new single: sorry but I am moved to roll my eyes whenever anyone uses the term ego death. Honestly, if this record came out 3 years ago when I was going through the dissolution of a long-term relationship, embracing my queerness, and playing around with my gender expression, I would have been alllllll over this shit. But I am in a different phase of my life now, so! I’m sure it will find people who need it, which is nice. I do like it! And I like “What Was That” too! It’s just not hitting the same way for me as it may be for others.
I was recommended a post from someone who said they loved them together because it felt like a She’s All That situation. Ummmmm.
I had all but forgotten about Kem from Love Island until I saw a “Kem collection” in Primark a few weeks ago and realized it was indeed a collaboration with that Kem, which was actually not surprising because I’d be more shocked to learn that there is more than one person in the world (or UK, at least) with the name Kem.